Eye Candy Will Make You Sick

Can I share something with you that troubles me? Okay, here goes....

Eye candy.

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Yes, that's right. Eye candy. Pinterest is all the rage right now and, I will admit, I am a fan. I love learning new tips and tricks to better my home, my health, and finding fun activities to try with my kiddo. But I get disturbed when I see tweens, teens, young ladies, and - yes - married women pin pictures of male celebrities onto their boards. ---- Mind you, I'm talking about Christian girls and women.

Remember when your Mom would say, "No more candy. It will give you a tummy ache"? We were taught from an early age that eating too much junk food was bad for us and could make us sick. It's definitely true! Too much candy = bad health. Too much junk food = low energy and an all-around BLEH-feeling! Now let's apply that spiritually.

Spiritually, ANY and all "junk food" makes us sick. It erodes our soul. It drains us of spiritual stamina. It puts our focus on earthly, carnal things instead of heavenly things. Keep in mind sin most always starts with the eyes. We see it. We want it. We take it. The Bible calls it the "lust of the eyes."  (1 John 2:16)

You may be thinking, "Okay I see what you're saying, but I'm just pinning a picture of a good looking guy! No harm, no foul."

I beg to differ.

If you are single, this harms your perception of marriage and devalues men in general. Think about it. Take a second and picture your future husband pinning pictures of ultra-"gorgeous" female celebrities onto his Pinterest board. Picture him gawking and drooling over the skinny, barely clad, airbrushed models that he tags as "sexy" and "delicious." Would it bother you? Intimidate you? Hurt you? Make you feel less than perfect? Likewise. If you fill up your eyes and your mind with "eye candy" you will have little room for good, healthy, Biblical precepts. Proverbs 31:10 asks the question, "Who can find a virtuous woman?"  In verse 12, it says that she (this virtuous woman) does her husband "good and not evil all the days of her life." Let me ask you. Is it virtuous to store up man candy, even while single? Is it doing your future husband good? Are you preparing yourself to be a noble and Godly wife while filing away images of "hot men" that you can (and no doubt will, as is tempting for us to do) compare him to? Think about it, girls. Be wise!

If you are married, this is a slap to your husband. In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus talks about adultery and says some strong words. He said that if a man looks at a woman and lusts after her, he has already committed adultery in his heart. That goes for us, too! Wow...talk about serious! Proverbs 5:15 instructs husbands to "Drink waters out of thine own cistern..."  What does that mean? It means stick with your own wife. And in like manner WE should stick with our own husbands, not only physically by not committing literal adultery, but in every way! Bring your husband honor by regarding him as the only lover of your heart and the only "candy" your eyes indulge in. Build your house, ladies. Don't pluck it down by foolishly allowing your eyes to drink in the shirtless, seductive-posing Hollywood celebs that you are not married to.

It all goes back to purity. Purity is more than being physically abstinent. It's so much more! And, believe you me, impurity has a knack for knocking down a single young person, and utterly pulverizing a marriage.

Simply put: Eye candy will make you spiritually sick.

Pursuing Purity in Marriage

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If you are single and reading this, then I hope you will take this to heart and remember it for later. If you are married and reading this, I hope you can find encouragement and inspiration.

Simply put: purity isn't a "singleness thing," it's a lifetime thing.

Yes, that's right.

I remember when I was single, I worked hard to remain pure while I waited to be married! It was difficult. Our sex-saturated society mocks abstinence and pushes every temptation imaginable into our view. It is only by God's grace and His strength that we can walk through our single years and remain pure in body and heart. But this post isn't about purity while single. It is about purity while married. I know some of you singles reading this might be shocked and wonder how purity can be a challenge after marriage! I mean, doesn't the struggle end once you walk the aisle and say your vows?? Far from it, I'm afraid. 

Before marriage, the struggle is to keep our body and heart pure, saved for our spouse. So what's the struggle AFTER marriage? Actually, it is exactly the same! - to keep our body and heart pure, saved for our spouse. And the battle is fierce.

Take a look around. Do you see the divorce rate? Have you noticed that affairs and infidelity is at an all-time high? Have you seen the ads, commercials, and TV shows that mock a happy, fulfilled marriage and parade lust and adultery like it's something we should be engaging in? I have. The other day I saw a yogurt commercial where two women gulped down spoonfuls of Greek yogurt because, magically, the more they ate, the more their husbands turned into a celebrity look-a-like. Hmm. A subtle point to lust? Looks like it.

Satan is sharp and is, indeed, roaming around like a hungry lion anxious to devour our marriages. It is up to us to build up walls of protection and guard against his devices.

So what are some practical ways we can have purity in our marriage?

1. First, delve into the Word of God. We are like sponges. If we are full of Jesus, there will be no room for anything else. It is not just important, it's VITAL, to soak ourselves in the Bible. Memorize scripture. Learn more of Who God is. Study. In so doing, we will grow and soak in all that He is. And the more of Him we have, the less of the world we will want.
          
2. PRAY. It is important to saturate our marriage and our husband in prayer. Pray for your husband to be strong, to be courageous, to be the leader that God has called him to be. Pray for strength for him when temptation arises. Remember that just as Satan is after you, he is also going to come against your husband. Pray. It's powerful.
            
3. Have an accountability partner. It can be your husband. It can be a friend (of the same gender). Whomever you chose, make sure that they are strong in their faith and passionate about purity. Pray together. Lift one another up with encouragement. I am thankful that I have a few select women in my life that I can call on and say, "Hey, Satan is trying to fill my mind with impurity. Pray for me right now, will you?" We need each other. It is important to have someone cheering you on, running the race with you, and lifting you up in prayer.
             
4. Remove the bait. Satan will come at us in different ways. What tempts you may not tempt me. So it is important to search our hearts and lives and find whatever our "thing" is that is enticing and remove it. If your computer is a problem, put in a filter, get rid of it, or appoint someone to keep you accountable. There are websites that link your net history to another's computer for better accountability. If it is a TV show or HBO blockbuster, consider turning off your satellite or cable or removing your TV from your home altogether. It isn't extreme to obey the Lord.
             
5. Steer clear of the devil's pawns. Impurity is everywhere. TV shows like "Sex and the City" and "Friends" where fornication and adultery is praised, should not be considered. Movies like "Magic Mike" where women are encouraged to gawk and giggle over male strippers, we should stay away from. Romance novels like "Fifty Shades of Grey" that explicitly describe what should be private and sacred, should be tossed in the garbage. Music that approves what God calls a sin, we shouldn't let our ears hear. Do not give place to anything that is unholy. If you compromise in the name of entertainment, don't be surprised if you suddenly find yourself unsatisfied in your marriage and far from the Lord.

God is pure, therefore Satan is on the attack against the purity and sacredness of marriage. It doesn't end at the wedding. Purity is a lifestyle. It is a direction. It is an attribute of Christ and, therefore, should be pursued forever.

Cheering you on!

Making Your Husband's Dreams Your Own

We live in a world where women are encouraged and even firmly instructed to be selfish and self-centered. We are conditioned to believe that it's all about "me;" my happiness, my ambitions, my desires. It is sad that even the Church is infiltrated with the same mindset of "looking out for number one" as the world.

But I have a question and a challenge for my fellow wives.

Have you ever listened to your husbands' dreams and plans and inwardly groaned? I'm going to be honest with you. I have. And I am ashamed of it.

My mom was, and is, a huge inspiration to me. Growing up, I watched as she embraced every goal, every vision, and every venture of my dad's with joy and enthusiasm. His plans became her plans. His attempts were her attempts. His dreams, she made her own. I never heard her say, "Ugh, please...no, no, no."  No matter how inconvenient it was for her, she willingly and selflessly put herself aside and went on every adventure right along side my father. I saw her stretch herself to accommodate everything in my dad's heart into her life. Everything he was....became hers too.
  

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Grant and I used Scripture in our vows when we married. In mine, I quoted a portion of Ruth chapter one which says, "for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me." (Ruth 1:16-17)

Talk about devotion! And this was said to Ruth's mother-in-law! But this serves as an excellent example of how we ought to cleave to our husbands.

The Lord gives us (women) good gifts; talents; abilities of our own. I, myself, have some pretty lofty dreams. But should I plow my way through to achieve my goals? Should I minimize my husband's plans and make mine the priority?

No, I should not.

Stop and take a look at your marriage. Are you a wife that rolls her eyes at her husband's vision, while campaigning your own dreams? If you are, then I challenge you to make an about-face. Be one with your husband and be his biggest fan, helpmeet, and supporter. Dream with him. I want to leave that kind of legacy for my children because, looking back, watching my mom's example is making me a better wife.

I challenge you to be a modern day Ruth who says, "Honey, that dream of yours is nothing like mine...let's go for it!"



This post is linked to: Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, and A Wise Woman

When He's Not Superman

When I married my husband, I married a sinner. I married a human who battles against the flesh, same as me. 

   
I remember the first marital spat that Grant and I had. Naive as I was, I found myself utterly stunned. THIS man was perfect! THIS man had selflessly fought for me, won my heart, and patiently waited for 14 months to marry me. This man was superman! But in the moment of a heated battle, my head screamed: How can he be so AWFUL right now?!!

Any of you married ladies relate?

Though my husband is wonderful and amazing, he is an unfinished work-in-progress. God is still working on him….and on me. But let’s get real. Sometimes we, wives, grow irritable when our “super” husband is not super. So what do I do when he’s NOT an extraordinary superman? Below is a list I made for myself when my sinful nature rises up. It helps me and I hope it can help you as well. 

1. First, own up to the fact that your husband married a sinner. That's you. Yes, you are a sinner. So is he. Get your perspective right and remember that two imperfect people said "I do." When we remember this truth, our pride will start to fade and our humility will begin to grow.
         
2. Next, PRAY. Pick up your Bible. Get alone. Go to the LORD and present the situation to Him. You are hurt. Maybe you're offended. Maybe you are just plain mad - and want to be! Go to Him and tell Him about it. Then be quiet and let Him speak to you and calm your heart. Be still so you can know, and remember, that He is God and He can take care of any issue - big or small. He is the marriage counselor and the author of Love, so let Him speak to you and teach you. Let Him do His job. :)
      
3. Make a list of his good traits and qualities. It may take a little time when you are upset, but force yourself to write down all the things you love and admire about him. As you do that, you will more than likely feel a bit more tender and kind towards him than before.   
         
4. Forgive him. Remember that Jesus loves us and forgives us, even when we spit in His face and willfully sin. And His blood covers all our sins. Jesus is the goal. Jesus is the example. Focus on Him, remember what HE did for YOU, then do the same for your husband.
            
5. Here comes the hard part. Apologize. Go to him and humbly ask his forgiveness. Even if you didn't "start it," take the initiative to be the peacemaker. Keep in mind that no matter what your husband does or says, YOU are responsible for your actions. You cannot justify your lashing out in anger just because he did. YOU do what's right, no matter what anyone else does or says.

Marriage is an incredible relationship that teaches us so much about the Lord and His grace. Sometimes, marriage is hard. But it is blissfully wonderful!! Nah, some days he isn't superman. But hey! You aren't superwoman all the time, right? 


I'm running this race with you, ladies! Let's run well....
 

The Proverbs 31 Quest || pt 3

Miss 31's role as a wife continues with verse twelve in Proverbs chapter 31....

Proverbs 31:12
"She will do him good and not evil
all the days of her life."
                  

                   

"She will do him good and not evil...."

* Good - kindly; delight; cheerful; favor

* Evil - mischief; trouble; sorrow

I am guilty of this. In only a year and half of marriage, I have failed many times, choosing to do my husband "evil" instead of "good." When his attitude has not been to my liking, many times, I have opted to bring him sorrow as a sort of payback for his frustrated snap or shortness. Instead of submitting my emotions to the Lord and choosing to be kind and cheerful to bless my husband, I have chosen to take matters into my own hands which always leads to more evil than good. Miss 31 doesn't do that. She brings her husband delight. She brings her husband favor. She is a delight to be around and refuses to bring him harm with irritability.

Now, again, we all know that Miss 31 was not perfect. And we all know that we can never be perfect. However, the knowledge that perfection is unobtainable while we live in a sinful world, should never warrant our refusal to pursue the attributes and lifestyle of the Proverbs 31 woman. It is in our Bible for a reason. Jesus Himself said to be holy as HE is holy. Though we will never "arrive," Christ calls us to walk in the direction of holiness. In like manner, we should walk in the footsteps of Miss 31 and follow her example as a godly wife and mother.

"...all the days of her life." 

Wow. All the days of her life??

A few years ago, I read that portion and it took on a whole new meaning. ALL the days of her life. Notice that it does not say "all the days of her married life." Could it be that this speaks of purity? In our culture, there is the belief that we can live however we'd like, having fun in the dating world, stacking up dozens of past flights and relationships. Then when we marry, we suddenly have the assumption that commitment will come easily; that honor is a given; that loyalty and faithfulness are natural products of marriage. Far from it. If we, as singles, do not develop a lifestyle of honor and purity before marriage, then we should not assume that those things will come easily once our marriage vows are spoken. Miss 31 does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. She brings him honor before their wedding day ever arrives. She brings him favor and joy, both prior to marriage and throughout their marriage. If you are reading and you are single, I challenge you to take this season of singleness to do your future husband good and not evil. In this season, I challenge you to honor him NOW in your actions and lifestyle. When you are in the company of men, I pray you will think of your future husband and imagine him beside you, then act accordingly. When you are tempted to flirt or seductively reveal parts of your body in immodest dress, I pray you will chose to bring your future husband favor by bringing dignity to his future wife - you! Begin a lifestyle of doing him good right now! And if you are reading this and you are married, then I challenge you to bring your husband kindness and cheerfulness and delight. I hope and pray that I will learn to opt for a more good approach when my flesh is tempted to react in mischief and evil. When he leaves his socks on the floor or makes a mess in the kitchen, instead of reacting with impatience and deciding to "tell him how it should be," let us chose to serve our husbands and develop a kind attitude. When he comes home frustrated and short, instead of letting it get to us and reacting with irritability, let us chose to act with grace and goodness. If you are anything like me, I'm sure you have a lot to learn too.

As we continue on our Proverbs 31 quest, let us seek the face of God and allow Him to reshape us into a woman who will do her husband good and not evil. Let us allow Him to mold our hearts and make us more soft and sweet, acting with cheerfulness and kindness instead of reacting with trouble and sorrow.
           

Proverbs 31:12
"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."

The Proverbs 31 Quest || pt 2

In the last post, we learned that Miss 31 is a rare find. She is valiant and strong and worth more than precious gems. Verse eleven explores another area of Miss 31's life; her role as a wife.

Proverbs 31:11
"The heart of her husband doth
safely trust in her, so that he shall
have no need for spoil."
                  

                   

"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her...."

* Heart - thoughts; the whole inner man

* Trust - refuge; secure

What an interesting thought. The whole entirety of this husband and who he is can be safely deposited in Miss 31. His innermost thoughts are kept under lock and key. In her, he can find refuge. In our society, it is very normal for wives to spill out secrets of their marital life and literally bring their husband shame. I have heard more than one wife reveal to her friends personal issues that her husband is dealing with. I have listened as wives have put down their husbands, mocking them, and even making fun of their shortcomings. After reading Proverbs 31:11, I saw that not only did Miss 31 refuse to gossip with her friends about her husband's private affairs, she literally protected her husband as a whole. Every fear he had that she knew, she kept to herself. Every sin he struggled with, every hurt he had, and every personal issue that he dealt with was safely trusted in her. As a wife, that is both convicting and inspiring! 

"...so that he shall have no need for spoil." 

* Spoil - the goods of others

Mmmm. So we have seen that the Proverbs 31 woman is a refuge for her husband. Now we see that because she keeps her husband's private matters under lock and key, he has no need for the goods of others; he has no need for anyone else.

Thinking on this, I can recal numerous times when a wife has drug her husband and his name through the mud and as a result, he has left her for another woman who, instead, is kind and trustworthy. Because he was not safe with his wife, he had a need for "the goods of others." What a troubling thought! If we, as wives, are careless and inconsiderate of our husband's privacy, we might very well lose our marriage altogether! God, grant us wisdom.

I don't know about you, but I want to be virtuous and valiant. I want to live as a royal, redeemed gem of God should. And I want to be a secure fortress that my husband can trust and rest in, having no need of anyone or anything else.

May it be so.
           

Proverbs 31:11
"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need for spoil."

10 Things I'm Learning in Marriage

The wedding is one day....The marriage is a lifetime.

And nothing about marriage comes natural. Why? Because marriage is hard work.

I am sure many people enter into marriage thinking that they have a head start. I know I did. How wrong I was. Just like nothing can prepare you for parenthood until you actually become a parent, nothing can quite prepare you for the marriage relationship.

I know that being married for one year and two months makes me a "newbie" still, but I am here to testify that once you are married, the lessons begin! You start learning right away! And here are a few things that God has taught (and is still teaching) me!

1. Christ must be your fulfillment. This lesson should begin long before the "I Do's" are spoken. It is very easy to rely on your spouse to fulfil you, but listen to me: this never works. There have been plenty of moments when I have grown irritated when Grant hasn't met my every need. It is then that I have had to be reminded by the Lord to stop and remember an invaluable truth: HE is all. Nobody, not even your dearest friend and soul mate, can meet all your needs. God created it to be this way as an ever-constant reminder that HE is God and the only One who can fulfill us completely.

2. Remember your spouse is a sinner. Yes, Grant is my prince charming. Yes, he is a man of God. Yes, he will stop and pray no matter when or where. Yes, he is my best earthly friend. But he is not perfect. I have seen him angry, irritated, and stressed out. I know what makes him tick (yes, he can get ticked). I know his weaknesses and his imperfections. He is still a sinner.....and as much as it hurts my pride to say it.... I am one too.

3. Pick your battles. That's a toughie. At first, it sounds like 100% fun all the time to live with your best friend. And, to a degree, it IS fun! But it is also work. Habits can become annoying (like the clearing of the throat in the shower every morning). Little things can get under your skin (like finding little hairs all over the sink after a shave). But I have to remember to stop and ask myself, "Is this worth getting angry over? Is this thing worth picking a fight about?"  Most of the time, it's not. So pick your battles.

4. Learn how to make up. Pride has to die in a marriage relationship. It is easy for me to gloat when I am proven right in a disagreement. And it is very easy to refuse to say "I'm sorry." But it MUST be done! Disagreements are inevitable in marriage. Marriage takes two different people (male and female) who grew up in two different families (sometimes in two very different circumstances), with two different personalities and character traits, and it thrusts them together in tight living spaces. It's impossible for two opposite creatures to live in constant harmony. So you will have moments that are not pleasant. But one thing that has to be learned is the art of making up. Get over yourself. Let go of your pride. Remember you LOVE your spouse and made some serious vows to him/her. Forgive. Forget. Move on. It is rewarding if you do!

5. Compromise. I like to talk things out. Grant does not. When there has been a disagreement or if I feel unsettled about something, I need to talk about things in order to move past it. Grant prefers to go into "internal hibernation" for a while. So....what do we do in this situation? We learn to compromise. Sometimes I need to give Grant an hour or more to keep from overwhelming him or for him to get his thoughts together. Sometimes Grant puts those things aside in order to sit down immediately with me to talk about how I feel. We don't take turns. We just do our best to find the happy medium no matter what the situation may be.

6. Let go of your rights. I am still struggling with this area. Sometimes I don't want to compromise. Sometimes I want my way. Sometimes I am downright selfish. And sometimes I believe I have a "right" to act like a self-centered wife. But the more I study and pray, the more I find that we, as Christians, should let go of our rights. In all honesty, we have none. We gave up all our rights when we allowed Jesus to take over and buy us "with a price." So let go.

7. Have a date night. The reality of life can wear you down. Sometimes we get SO busy! It is for this reason that it is important to have a date night fairly often. For Grant and I, this was hard. We were married for three months when I got pregnant. Morning sickness, a growing belly, feeling tired, THEN a new baby! All in one year! A date night? Yeah right. But it is so important to make time for one another. Recently Grant and I did just that and WOW! It was such a blessing to be able to get away and simply enjoy each other's company. Even if you don't have the money to go out, stay in, turn the TV off and talk to one another. Or cook a hearty meal and rent a movie. Reminisce with each other. Just enjoy being together as husband and wife. Your relationship as husband and wife comes before all else, save your relationship with the Lord.

8. Be each other's best friend. Growing up, I had what I thought were a few "best friends" here and there. How wrong I was. Grant is literally my best earthly friend. I can let my hair down with him. I can be 100% me. He knows me, sometimes better than I know myself. And I know him better than anyone else. We belly laugh together. We tell crazy jokes. We giggle like teenagers. We hop in the truck and take off down dirt roads blaring music and singing. We pray together. We tell each other things that are difficult for the other to hear. We are there for one another....through thick and thin, good and bad. Don't ever let outside friendships and relationships, work, hobbies, or anything of the like stand in the way of you and your spouse being best friends.

9. Protect your spouse and your marriage. Privacy in marriage is almost foreign these days. And it shouldn't be! From the very beginning of our relationship, I made a personal committment that private things would always remain private. Marriage is a "bear-all" relationship. You are totally revealed in every way to your spouse. Protect that. Keep it sacred. I have vowed, when Grant and I have a disagreement, to never talk about it to anyone. It is no one's business and my words, even at a time when I may be upset, could hurt my husband and bring him disrespect. It is personal and between him, myself, and the Lord. I have vowed never to have "bedroom discussions" with girlfriends. The bedroom is sacred, holy, and deserves the utmost privacy. There are plenty of outside things that should be guarded against. Protect your spouse and your marriage.

10. Pray and pray together. Pray for you spouse. Pray that he can be a strong, passionate, mighty man of God. Pray that she can rise and be a valiant, virtuous woman of faith. Pray for strength. Pray for wisdom. Pray for your marriage as a whole. Pray for your children. Pray for yourself. Then pray together. Prayer brings unity. Praying alone can bring you closer to the throne of God and closer to His will. Praying together as a couple brings you closer together AS you draw nearer to the heart of God. Prayer brings unity and it brings strength. Always, always, always pray! Never cease!

A Year of Marriage

I can't believe it's been a year since I stood before Grant in a white wedding gown. SO much has happened!...the biggest thing being, of course, our baby boy who arrived just four days before our anniversary!

Sunday was our first anniversary. It was very different from what I had expected. I didn't expect to be shortly home from the hospital with a tiny little bundle in my arms. But I also didn't expect the day to be so sweet. Both Grant's Mom and my Mom fixed us a romantic dinner, took care of Nathan for us for hours, and hid themselves in the nursery while we enjoyed some time alone to reflect back on the past year. Of course, it wasn't long before we both tip-toed into the nursery to try to pull our baby away from two giddy grandmothers!

A lot can happen in one year. In one years' time, Grant and I both learned an awful lot. We had our share of ups and downs. We had some amazingly sweet and beautiful moments together! We had road trips, revivals, prison meetings, friends gatherings, a mission trip to Israel, and experienced pregnancy and the first chapter of parenthood together.

The years ahead look blurry and I can't see what's up ahead any more than he can. But we both know that the Lord can see....and He is in control. He blessed us with a glorious first year together....and I can't wait for many more up ahead in the years to come.

Anniversary Ideas

I just realized that my first wedding anniversary is in less than 2 weeks! Eeeeee! What an incredible year it has been. Many testings. Many adventures. Many things learned. Many amazingly joyful moments! I love being married and am anxious to see what God has in store for the years to come. Though I can't imagine being more in love with Grant than I am today, I know, from talking with other happily married couples, that it only gets better. And that excites me!

So, with our anniversary only a little over a week away, I am finishing up my gift for Grant (which I will reveal AFTER our day). But I'm curious.... What are some great 1st anniversary gifts? Have any super (but low-key) ideas about how to celebrate? Considering the fact that I will either be a mommy or ginormously huge on the day of my anniversary, we plan to *ahem* stay at home (if we're not in the hospital, that is!).

So....ideas, anyone?

Created to be His...Help Meet | pt 6

Wow, it has been months since I have posted another part of Debi Pearl's, Created To Be His Help Meet. I am drastically behind! However, we're not through yet. Read on for part 6....

Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said,
It is not good that the man should be alone;

I will make him an help meet for him.

Reactions Define You
A wise woman does not dream of what "could have been." She does not see herself as "God's gift to men;" therefore, she is joyful and content in her present circumstances.

Reactions are not premeditated actions springing from our best motives, carefully thought out, planned, and weighed. They are emotional responses, breaking loose like wild horses when we feel hurt, cheated, used, or misunderstood. They are often retaliatory, sometimes condemning, confrontational, or adversarial, and eventually vengeful and punishing. Your reactions break you loose from your social inhibitions and manifest who you really are inside and what you really believe at your core level. We lose our carefully preserved "front" when we are pressed beyond calculated thinking. Then, who we really are is made manifest. You can control your future reactions considerably by changing the way you think before you are pressed into a response. The way you think every day determines the way you feel, and it will determine how you will react in stressful situations.

Researchers have determined that the average person thinks over 40,000 thoughts each day. The heart is filled with thoughts, and it is out of that reservoir of thoughts that the mouth speaks words of praise or bitterness. When the pressure is on, and the dam of reservation breaks loose, you cannot control what you say, because you will speak from the abundance of your heart - from the 40,000 thoughts you had that day, and all the days before. "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." (Luke 6:45). If you, as a wife, are going to change the way you have been speaking, it is not a matter of willpower; it is a matter of thought power. "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..." (Proverbs 23:7). You must bring "into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5). "For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts..." (Matthew 15:19). As Paul says, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:5). You will be "transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2), not by the strength of your will to hold your tongue. God tells you how to think about your role as wife and help meet. If you believe Him, you will think differently.

If I were in an airport baggage pick-up area waiting for my red suitcase, and I saw a young man snatch it and run, I would be very upset until I learned that my husband sent him to get it for me. When my thinking changed, my feelings changed.

You are what you think, and God tells you how to think: Think the truth. This is not the power of positive thinking; this is the power of the truth as God defines it. You are created to be your husband's helper, not his conscience, not his vocation director, and certainly not his critic. No woman will ever have peace and joy until her mind is filled with goodwill toward her husband, and she is committed to becoming a good help meet for him.

Time to Consider

* We have learned that our created nature is to be a help meet to our husbands.

* We have learned that a help meet is someone who helps her husband in any and all of his life's projects.

* We have learned that the joy of the Lord is our strength and that a merry heart is a real asset in becoming a godly help meet. A smile keeps our man looking our way. Our desire is to become a jolly "playmate" to our husband.

* All of us have decided that we do not want to grow old and become crazy old, religious fanatics who think that they are obeying God while disregarding His written Word. We have learned that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, and we shudder to think we might have ended up being like some of the old reprobates we know who dishonor their husbands.

* We have learned that wisdom is a gift that God promises to anyone who asks. Through wisdom, we have discovered that each of our husbands are made in the image of God, either as a Command Man, a Visionary Man, a Steady Man, or some mixture of the three, with one dominant.

* We know that it is our job as a help meet to always be looking for ways to better meet our husband's needs and desires.


Traits of a Good Help Meet
 
* She asks God for wisdom
* She learns to understand and appreciate her man for who he is.
* She learns to be flexible.


Getting Serious With God
 
Now that you have thought more about your role as a help meet, it is time to go back and add to the list of things you could be doing that will free your husband to be the man God created him to be.

    Running With You,

I Love My Husband

These days, you hear plenty of talk from girls and young women who say, "Oh I love my boyfriend!" They gush over how handsome is, how perfect he is....blah blah blah. But, sadly, you rarely hear a happy wife brag on her husband. After a couple of years of marriage (or less) her man is no longer "perfect" or "the most amazing and handsome guy EVER!" Well, I would like to start a new trend. I am going to brag on my hubby of almost 6 months. And I plan on continuing for the rest of my life!

I will begin by saying that my husband is not perfect.....BUT he is perfect for me. He is human and he has flaws and makes mistakes. But he is Godly, he is passionate, he is a soul winner, and a true warrior for Christ.

He longs to see men stand up and be men; bold, serving, urgent, firm, and loud about their faith.

He wants the women to be ladies; modest, pure, gentle, sweet, and passionate about their Savior.

He has a heart to see people saved, to see chains broken, people free from bondage, to see the Church rise up and be what the Church was called to be.

He is quick to pray, ready at a moment's notice to speak the truth and proclaim the Word.

My husband is HANDSOME!! To me, he is the best lookin' hunk of a man in the world! And to make it even better, he is not only incredibly good looking on the outside, but he is amazingly striking on the inside as well and THAT makes him all the more appealing.

My husband is a family man. He loves his family and he loves mine. He can't wait for April to roll around when we begin one of our own. 

He is funny! We tell jokes regularly, and belly laugh all the time! We are literally each other's best friend.

My husband is kind. He is encouraging. When I have my down days and discouraging moments, he uplifts me and tell me I can do anything. He is gentle when he needs to be gentle and strong when he needs to be strong.

He is many things.... I don't think I could ever name them all. But I am proud to say he is my husband! I am proud to call him mine.

Proverbs 31:10-12 -
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."

Titus 2:4 -
"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

Created To Be His...Help Meet | pt 6

We now have the next installment of Debi Pearl's, Created To Be His Help Meet. Read and be blessed!!

Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said,
It is not good that the man should be alone;

I will make him an help meet for him.

Finding Your Life In His
From the beginning, God meant for us to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, an encouragement, and a right-hand wo-man..


God didn't create Adam and Eve at the same time and then tell them to work out some compromise on how they would each achieve their personal goals in a cooperative endeavor. He created Adam, gave him an occupation, appointed him as a ruler of the planet, endowed him with a spiritual outlook, gave him commands, and specified his occupational duties. Adam commenced his rule of the planet before God created Eve to help him in his life's goals. Adam didn't need to get Eve's consent. God gave her to Adam to be HIS helper...She was designed to serve, to assist.

God made us women to be help meets and it is in our physical nature to be so. It is our spiritual calling and God's perfect will for us. It is the role in which we will succeed in life, and it is where we will find our very greatest fulfillment as a woman and as a saint of God. God said in Genesis, "I will make him an help meet for him." Paul said, "For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man" (1 Corinthians 11:8-9). "Unto the woman he said...and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee" (Genesis 3:16).

When we fight God's will and our husband's dreams, we are frustrated and disappointed. If our husbands are kind, Steady Men, they will eventually become discouraged and give up trying to please us. If our husbands are Command Men, they may leave us behind. If our husbands are Visionaries, they wil yell and make our life miserable until we run back to mama.

Life is full of choices. How you choose to respond will help decide your fat in life. Life is now. Learn how to really enjoy taking out the trash or milking a cow. You will be amazed at how God will fill you full of Himself. You will look back in your "happy" old age and rejoice at your lot in life and wonder how you could have ever been a long-faced sad sack. Someday people will say to you, "Your personality is just a happy type, and that is why you enjoy life. Isn't that right?" You can laugh and know that being in God's will is the only thing that makes you full of joy. God is not looking for happy women to make them into help meets for good men. He is looking for women willing to be true help meets to the men whom they married, so He can fill them full of joy.

His Express Image

We have studied three different types of men and how each one relates to the lady in his life. We have learned that God gives wisdom to those who ask. By now you know that it will take supernatural wisdom for you to come to know, accept, and appreciate your man as God made him. He may be all three different expressions at different times in his life, or he may be some of one and a lot of another. The important thing is for you to understand that he is what God made him, and that you are to be his suitable helper. Know what "expression" God made him to be will help you become a better helper to the man of your life. God says so clearly and emphatically that, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him of God, that giveth to all men (and women) liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him" (James 1:5). Ask God to help you know and appreciate your man. Pray that God will give you the wisdom and grace to share your man's dreams so it will always be you that he dreams about.


Make a New Habit
 
Is it God's will for your husband to adapt to you, or is it God's will for you to adapt to him? What habits in your life should you change to adapt to your husband's needs? Start today.


Getting Serious With God
 
The Bible teaches that the sister of wisdom is God's commandments, and the kinswoman to wisdom is understanding (Proverbs 7:4). Add to your diary your favorite wisdom verses. Establish one time each day that you will be reminded to ask God for wisdom.

    Running With You,

Quote for the Day! -- 08/26/10

"A true wife makes a man's life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love 'turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward.' While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence she brings out in him whatever is nobles and richest in his being. She inspires him with her courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path.

- JR Miller

Created To Be His...Help Meet | pt 5

It's been a while since I have posted the next excerpt part from Debi Pearl's, Created To Be His Help Meet. This section is called "Wisdom to Understand Your Man." Read and be inspired!

Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone;

I will make him an help meet for him.

Wisdom to Understand Your Man
A wise woman learns to adapt to her husband.


Three Kinds of Men

Men are not all the same. I have become aware that there are basically three types of men. It seems that God made each male to express one side of His triad nature. Most men are a little of all three, but tend to be dominate in one. As we review the types, you will probably readily identify your husband and be able to see where you have been a curse or a blessing to him.

By the time a young woman gets married, she has developed a composite image of what her husband ought to be like. The men she has known and the characters in books and movies provide each woman with a concept of the perfect man. Poor guys! They are never perfect - far from it. God gave each one a nature that in part is like Himself, but never complete. When a girl suddenly finds herself permanently wed to a man who is not like she thinks he ought to be, rather than adapt to him, she usually spends the rest of their marriage - which may not be very long - trying to change him into what she thinks her man ought to be.

Wisdom is knowing what you "bought" when you married that man and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be.

Our husbands are created in the image of God, and it takes all kinds of men to even come close to completing that image. No man is a perfect balance; if he were, he would be too divine to need you. God gives imperfect women to imperfect men so they can be heirs together of the grace of life and become something more together than either one of them would ever be alone. If you fight your husband's inadequacies or seek to be dominant where he is not, both of you will fail. If you love him and support him with his inadequacies and without taking charge, both of you will succeed and grow.


Mr. Command Man

God is dominant - a sovereign and all-powerful God. He is also visionary - omniscient and desirous of carrying out His plans. And, God is steady - the same yesterday, today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most men epitomize one of these three aspects of God.

Command Men are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers and heads of corporations. Command Men usually do more than is required of them. They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, then it is very important for you to learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.


Mr. Visionary

God is a Visionary as seen in His person, the Holy Spirit. He made some men in the image of that part of His nature. Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber who conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers, and instigators of any front-line social issue. Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.

If you are married to one of these fellows, expect to be rich or poor, rarely middle class. He may never be rich in money, but he will be rich in experience. The wife of Mr. Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow - his flow. Life will become an adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. People looking on will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you will know better because you will see his greatness.

The Visionary man needs his woman's support, and he will appreciate it when it is freely given. If you are married to the Visionary Man, learn to enjoy the trip, for it he ever does make a better light bulb, he will want you to be the one who turns it on for the first time in public. It will be your face he looks into to see the marvel of what a great thing he has done. You are his most important fan. When you know your man really needs you, you can be happy with just about anything.


Mr. Steady

God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest - like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady - "in the middle, not given to extremes." The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn't try to tell other people what to do. He doesn't invent the light bulb like Mr. Visionary, but he will be the one to build the factory and manage the assembly line that produces the light bulb and the airplane. As a general rule, he will be faithful till the day he dies in the same bed he has slept in for the last 40 or 50 years.

When a woman is married to a bossy, dominant man, people marvel that she is willing to serve him without complaint, so she comes out looking like a wonderful woman of great patience and sacrifice. A woman married to the impulsive Visionary Man, who puts the family through hardships, will stir amazement in everyone. "How can she tolerate his weird ideas with such peace and joy?" She comes out being a real saint, maybe even a martyr. But if you are married to a wonderful, kind, loving, serving man, and you are just a little bit selfish, than you are likely to end up looking like an unthankful shrew. He helps you, adores you, protects you, and is careful to provide for you, and you are still not satisfied. Shame on you!


Know Your Man

Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don't come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be. The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. God's word says in Hebrews 13:8, "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever." A man who is created steady brings peace and safety to a woman's soul. You husband's gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband's hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom.

Ask God for wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Look up "shamefacedness" in the Bible, and learn what it means. Pray for your husband to have wisdom. Stop expecting him to perform for you. Stop trying to stir him up to anger to get him to feel as though he understands you. Let him be the one God made him to be. Learn to seek your husband's advice on what to do, and then give him time to answer. Show respect by asking him in what areas he would like you to do some decision-making.


"Ruination" Wife's Summary

a)  The wife of Mr. Command Man can ruin her marriage by failing to honor, obey, and reverence her husband's authority and rule.

b)  The wife of Mr. Visionary can ruin her marriage by failing to follow, believe, and participate as an enthusiast in her husband's dreams and visions.

c)  The wife of Mr. Steady can ruin her marriage by failing to appreciate, wait on, and be thankful for her husband's pleasant qualities.


Successful Wife's Summary

a)  The wife of Mr. Command Man can heal her marriage by becoming his adoring Queen, honoring and obeying his every (reasonable and unreasonable) word. She will dress, act, and speak so as to bring him honor everywhere she goes.

b)  The wife of Mr. Visionary can heal her marriage by laying aside her own dreams and aspirations and embracing her role as help meet to her man, believing in him and being willing to follow him with joyful participation in the path he has chosen.

c)  The wife of Mr. Steady can heal her marriage by joyfully realizing what a friend, lover, and companion she has been given and living that gratitude verbally and actively. When she stops trying to change him, he will grow. She can, then, willingly take up tasks that will fill her time and give her husband joy and satisfaction when he sees her productiveness.


Who Is Your Man?
 
Make a list of your husband's traits - things that indicate which of the three types he most expresses. It may be a combination, with one more dominate. Now, begin a list of things you can do that will set him free to be the man God made him to be.
 
Romans 12:1-2
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

Ask God to give you wisdom to see where you need to change to be the perfect help meet for your divinely designed man.

    Running With You,

Created To Be His...Help Meet | pt 4

I have been steadily posting excerpts from the wonderful book by Debi Pearl, Created To Be His Help Meet. This section is called "The Gift of Wisdom" which, when I was slowly reading through today, convicted me and inspired me. So often, as women, we get caught up in emotions. Sadly, I have to admit, that I am emotional.  That is a good thing, don't get me wrong. God created me to be a woman, and to have womanly gifts and differences. But sometimes, we let our emotional ways take over....and we end up severely blotching a situation. So this chapter was a good encouragement to me. Be blessed!

Genesis 2:18
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone;
I will make him an help meet for him.

The Gift of Wisdom

Do you have enough fear of God not to question His Word?

God's Blueprint for Marriage

Ephesians 5:22-24- "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing."

Colossians 3:18 - "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."

1 Corinthians 11:3 - "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman [is] the man; and the head of Christ [is] God."

1. 
   
   God commands wives to submit to their OWN husbands.
2. 
   
   God informs men that they are the head of the wife.
3. 
   
   God tells the wives to be subject to their husbands in everything, every decision, every move, every plan, and all everyday affairs.

 

There will be times in your marriage when it will take faith and wisdom to believe that God is good, kind, and just in His command for you to submit to your husband in everything. Note that what God commands a woman to do does not hinge on the man loving his wife as Christ loved the Church. If it did, there is not one single husband who ever lived and breathed who would be worthy of his wife's submission or reverence. Each of them, the man and the woman, has been given their own directive from God with a model or pattern to attain to. What God said stands, regardless of the man's goodness or the apparent lack thereof. You were given your blueprints with words like honor, submit, and reverence. This is God's will and way, His directive and pattern for you to model. It is up to us to believe and obey God.

Just knowing God's will from His written Word will help you become that kind of person. There is peace and joy in knowing that you are right where you were created to be. The more you seek to obey God by being a good help meet to your man, so much the more you will come to know God; and the more you know Him, the more you will care about the things He values.

You Think I'm Some Kind of Spiritual Giant?

It has taken wisdom for me to understand a man, his ego, his tender heart, and his strong needs. It was nothing short of divine wisdom that enabled me to understand the destructiveness of taking personal offense when my husband did things that seemed unfair, selfish, or harsh. It has been the gift of wisdom that has helped me to understand that God is delighted in me when I want to delight and please my man.

A gift is something you receive that has not been earned or merited. God wants to give you the gift of wisdom. It is this precious gift of wisdom that has enabled me to see beyond the piles of dumped trash bags. Do you think I am some kind of super-spiritual giant? I am just like you, flesh and blood. I can pitch a hissy fit just as well as the next woman. I can get stone-cold and freeze my man down to cracked ice. Thankfully, God has offered us women wisdom that allows me daily to choose what my future will be. I thank God that wisdom is not earned; it is a gift.

Your lift will be full of dumped-trash-bag situations. Your husband will be selfish. He will be unkind. He will not respect your rights. He will be foolish. He may be cruel, and that son of Adam may actually walk in sin. But he cannot victimize you unless you react outside of the wisdom of God. You can decide to be in a constant state of anger and bitterness, or you can ask God for the wisdom to live each day in a state of honoring your man for God's sake. You need the precious gift of wisdom to be able to hold your tongue and be thankful when your flesh would strike back in anger. You need wisdom to see how feeling sorry for yourself is far from the heart of God. You need the gift of wisdom as a constant reminder of the limitations of your female understanding. The gift of wisdom will remind you that God's rules are not there to put you in bondage, but to help you make a man want to cherish, protect, and love you. Most of all, the gift of wisdom will enable you to serve and honor your husband because you are serving and honoring God. You will find fulfillment in your nature as a woman.

James 1:5 - "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

God gives us wisdom liberally, like a gift, but first we must ask for it.

Today, as you read this, you have two choices open to you. You can excuse yourself from the responsibility by mentally assigning various excuses to your situation, or you can choose to believe God and become a 100% help meet regardless of anything that would stand in your way. Which will it be?

Answer these questions:

1. 
   
   What is the key to understanding our roles as wives?
2. 
   
   Where are peace and joy found?
3. 
   
   If your husband does not love you, does that negate your responsibility or prevent you from fulfilling your role?
4. 
   
   What is the gift that God gives that will help you in your pursuit of becoming a help meet?
5. 
   
   List three words that are part of the blueprint for help meets.
6. 
   
   What can you do that will cause you to know God more and cause you to care about the things he cares about?
7. 
   
   Are you committed to a heavenly marriage?

To commit your way unto the Lord is to say, "Not my will, but thine, be done."

Psalm 37:3-8 - "Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil."


The Beginning of Wisdom

Wisdom is conceived in a strange place. It is fathered by fear. If our choices can bring us to miserable ends, then fear is the healthiest deterrent we can have. It is the beginning of wisdom. Life without fear is a fool's paradise. What physical pain is to the preservation of the human body, fear is to the preservation of the soul. A Christian life without fear is a religious life without a living God.

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom..." - Psalm 111:10
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom..." - Proverbs 9:10
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge..." - Proverbs 1:7

Anything God says three times is worth heeding.


Make a new habit.

When you feel yourself beginning to have a critical spirit, stop, take a deep breath, silently ask for wisdom, then think of something that is on your thankful list. This is remolding a habit, and, in time, practice makes perfect.

Getting Serious with God

Find the definition of the word odious. Learn to hate the idea of ever being guilty of such a thing. Any time you are showing irritation and blame toward others, keep in mind that the earth is disquieted due to your being an odious, married woman.

Proverbs 30:21-23 - "For three things the earth is disquieted, and for four which it cannot bear: For a servant when he reigneth; and a fool when he is filled with meat; For an odious woman when she is married; and an handmaid that is heir to her mistress."

Look up in Scripture (KJV) the fear of God. How many times does it appear? What do you think God is trying to teach us? How differently would we react to our daily challenges if we truly feared God...?

    Running With You,